Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
