My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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