I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
