I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
