I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
