just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
