u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
