my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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