Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
