I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
