Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
