How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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