i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
