If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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