My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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