Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
