I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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