Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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