Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
