i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
