There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
