R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
