Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
