Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
