Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize