I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
