I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
