You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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