Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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