Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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