Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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