When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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