The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
