Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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