This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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