So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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