and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
