youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Is it because I queefed?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
