I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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