I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
