I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
