It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
