Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
