i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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