i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
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