So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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