I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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