Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
is that a dick in a sweater?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
