you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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