I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
