Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
