So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
