He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
