My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Randomize