but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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