He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
