it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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