i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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