I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I am naked and annoyed.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
