you would pick up someone in the library
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
