I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
