Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
