Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
