rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
