sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
