If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
