all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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