you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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