woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
