I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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