i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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