Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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