best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
