Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
