got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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