Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Don't make out with my wife yet
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize