I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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