just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
