Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
