maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize