Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Holy sore nipples Batman
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
