Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
