so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize