It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
i've created a new STD.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
