eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize