When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
