Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
