as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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