you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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