I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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