i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
