Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize