what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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