Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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