I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
