thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
