The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
