oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
