call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
