If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
