I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
