thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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