The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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