Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
