he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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