Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
