I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
