There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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