whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
