I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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