We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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